I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
