Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
