he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
