bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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