i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
