Where is the hickey?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
