Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
