her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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