Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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