using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
