Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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