Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
