You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
