At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
