I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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