Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
