I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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