I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
