I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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