Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
