i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
