I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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