elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
