The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
