Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
