My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
