you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
