you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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