Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
