Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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