Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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