Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
