I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
