I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
