I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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