So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
