No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
