i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
