There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
