At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
