I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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