Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
