I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
