franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
