grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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