I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
