with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
