glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
