I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
