so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
