So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
